1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,170 . 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:02,536 - Don't worry, 3 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:07,308 uh, Tori can cover your shift. You just get some rest. 4 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,509 - [coughs] Thanks, Glenn. 5 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,044 - Hey, is that Amy? - Yeah. 6 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,479 She's got a terrible cold. 7 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,581 - Oh, no. Hey, sweetie. 8 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,517 You sound terrible-- shrill, but in a different way. 9 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,419 - Yeah--[coughs] It's pretty bad. 10 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:22,190 - Uh-huh. Hey, Ames, can you hold on a sec? 11 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,358 Yeah, she's faking. - No, she is not. 12 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,826 - Glenn, I love Amy like a sister, 13 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,629 and she is a liar and a fraud, like my sister. 14 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,598 - I'm still on, by the way. 15 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,166 - Hey, sweetie! 16 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,501 - You ignore her. 17 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,503 You just get well soon, okay? 18 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:39,273 - Thank you. [coughing] 19 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,577 - So can I pretend to be sick to miss school Monday? 20 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,579 - No, this is different. 21 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,614 - How? 22 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,249 - It just is. It's an adult thing. 23 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,850 You'll understand someday. Come on. 24 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,485 Hi... 25 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,287 [gasps] 26 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:56,557 Oh, my God, that's Jeff, my district manager. 27 00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:01,429 Why would he come all the way out here to watch a movie? 28 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,197 [gasps] 29 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,200 [upbeat music] 30 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,268 * 31 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,438 - I mean, I'm just saying, we're friends, 32 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,440 so if you did play hooky yesterday, 33 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,574 you can totally tell me. 34 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,144 - I wasn't. [coughs] 35 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,511 - Are you sure you should be drinking coffee? 36 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:18,579 Caffeine mixed with cold medication 37 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,414 can have the same effects as meth. 38 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,882 - Really? I've never heard that. 39 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,452 - Oh, it's true. 40 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,587 - I guess... 41 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:27,621 - Yeah, all of it. 42 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,229 - Hey, Sandra. How's it going? 43 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,298 - Pretty good. Someone stole my cat again. 44 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,667 - Excuse me, I'm having a conversation with Amy. 45 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,469 - I think we were all caught up. 46 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,204 - Are we? 47 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,638 - [clears throat] How are things, Sandra. 48 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,873 How's Jeff? 49 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,676 - Great. He might take me to Paris. 50 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,646 - Aww, Paris? That sounds so serious. 51 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,182 - I hate Paris. 52 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,417 That place is just one giant gay ashtray. 53 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,686 - Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, 54 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,721 today is Cloud 9's Wellness Fair, 55 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,456 where we're offering vision tests, 56 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,325 blood pressure screenings, and tips on living 57 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,360 your best, healthiest life. 58 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,462 Why go to a doctor when you can get medical advice 59 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,464 from the same place you get dish soap? 60 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,535 - I love the Wellness Fair. 61 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,205 We're gonna save a lot of lives today. 62 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,208 - It's mostly handing out informational pamphlets, right? 63 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,642 - And buttons. 64 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,611 - You know, I, uh-- I actually thought about 65 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,446 going to medical school for a minute. 66 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,714 - No way. - Yeah. 67 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,184 - I wanted be a doctor too. - Really? 68 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,585 - Yes, really. 69 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,321 Why is that a surprise? 70 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,622 - It's not. 71 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,524 - You don't think I could be a doctor? 72 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,925 - No, no-no-no. Glenn, come on, no. 73 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,594 I just--I'm--I don't even think I could be a doctor. 74 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,264 - Oh... Not even you. 75 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,199 - No, that's--I-- that's out of context. 76 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,167 - I have to take these buttons over there. 77 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:53,341 ["One Thing Leads To Another" by The Fixx plays over intercom] 78 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,477 - I love medicine. I watch all those shows. 79 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,945 "I need 10ccs, stat." 80 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,613 "Prep the incubation tray." 81 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,482 "I can't have sex with you. 82 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,285 [whimpers] I'm an intern." 83 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,454 - Yeah, that all sounds pretty medically accurate. 84 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,621 - Hey, guys, 85 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:12,560 if you knew that a friend's boyfriend was cheating on her 86 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,628 with another one of your friends, 87 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,564 would you say something? 88 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,732 - Hmm, that's a tough one. 89 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,701 Is it Kylie or Emily? 90 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,705 - Okay, look, I wasn't actually home sick yesterday. 91 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:25,606 I went to the movies, 92 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:30,010 and I saw Jeff with-- [whispers] Mateo... 93 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:34,315 Kissing each other. 94 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,716 - Wow! - Weird. 95 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:36,717 - Whoa. - Hmm. 96 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,320 - Woof. - Seriously? 97 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,588 This is your reaction? 98 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,690 Jeff is cheating on Sandra with Mateo. 99 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,326 What do I do? Do I--do I-- do I talk to her? 100 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,660 Do I confront him? 101 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,331 - Okay, here's what you do. 102 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,832 [whispers] Nothing. 103 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,367 - What? Come on. 104 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:54,735 - Look, you don't know the situation. 105 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,270 This is like "Jurassic Park." 106 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,471 You start messing around with something 107 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,539 you don't know anything about, 108 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,674 and before you know it, you're getting bit in half 109 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,710 while you're sitting on the toilet. 110 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,613 - It's true, Amy. That's what happens. 111 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,615 - Okay, thanks, guys. 112 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,782 This was great. - Mm-hmm. 113 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,352 - Helpful. Thanks. 114 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,520 - Should we just tell her 115 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,589 that Mateo's the one who's been dating Jeff all along? 116 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,358 - Nah, it's better just to stay out of it. 117 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,059 People don't need to know who's boning who. 118 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,361 - Yeah. 119 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,396 Do you wanna hear my lawyer? - Mm-mm. 120 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,599 - "Objection, your honor, he's harassing the witness!" 121 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,769 "Oh, that's not a judge, that's a bomb." 122 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,873 - It must be so rewarding to be a nurse. 123 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,509 Well, except when patients die. 124 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,745 That must be a real kick in the shins, huh? 125 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,546 - Uh-huh. 126 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,748 - How many people have you seen die? 127 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,849 I've seen, like, seven, 128 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,485 but I'm not sure it counts, 'cause it was all at once. 129 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,786 - Hey, uh, Glenn? - Hm? 130 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,656 Jonah, I'm talking medicine to this nurse. 131 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:49,790 Oh, I'm sorry, is that offensive? 132 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,525 Do we say doctor now? 133 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:52,693 - Only to doctors. 134 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,595 - Hey, where should I put these cups? 135 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,464 - Put them over there with the rest of them. 136 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,866 I set up a little juice station at the entrance-- 137 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,536 sort of a healthy treat to get people in the mood. 138 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,773 - You know, uh, juice actually isn't that healthy. 139 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,542 - Juice? It's from fruit. 140 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,878 It's like the healthiest stuff on the planet. 141 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:11,679 - He's right. 142 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,382 Fruit juice is loaded with sugar. 143 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,350 - Oh, good to know. 144 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,820 I guess Jonah's right, and I'm something else. 145 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,690 - Hey, uh, did you see that documentary "Fed Up"? 146 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,091 - Oh, with Katie Couric? - Yeah. 147 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,093 - Loved it. Did you see "Fork over Knife"? 148 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,462 - Oh, my God. I--I was devastated by it. 149 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:31,098 - Did you guys see "Babe 2: Pig in the City"? 150 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,934 I seem to have wound up with two copies at my house. 151 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,573 - I picked you up some samples. 152 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,108 - There's like 50 condoms in here. 153 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,544 - Show some gratitude. They're for your penis. 154 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,446 - Thank you? - You're welcome. 155 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,447 Now did Amy say anything to you 156 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,681 about what she was doing yesterday? 157 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,417 - No. - Would you tell me if she did? 158 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,652 - No. - You don't deserve these. 159 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,722 - Okay, fine, I don't like condoms anyway. 160 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,724 - Well played. Now I call first dibs, 161 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,792 but you can use those with whoever you want-- 162 00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:01,128 I mean, me, someone else, solo work. 163 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,763 - Solo work? 164 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,632 - So according to your wellness chart, 165 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,535 you should shave that mustache. 166 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,671 - Can I see that? - Shave it. 167 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,406 You'll thank me later. 168 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,643 - Hey! What up, my--hm--Mateo? 169 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,911 - Okay? - How's it hanging? 170 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,913 Who you seeing? - Oh, God. 171 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,715 Okay, can you please stop trying to set me up 172 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,717 with your brother? Okay? No offense, 173 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,719 maybe he just doesn't photograph well. 174 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,187 - Okay, look, I saw you at the movie theater 175 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,490 yesterday with Jeff. 176 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,158 - [clears throat] 177 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,527 Can we please not talk about this here? 178 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,663 - Talk about what, Mateo? The fact that I saw you 179 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,598 making out with Sandra's boyfriend? 180 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,832 - [shushes] Okay. 181 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,635 He's not her boyfriend. He's my boyfriend. 182 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:42,636 - What? - I've been seeing him 183 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,738 since October. - That doesn't make any sense. 184 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,741 No, you haven't. - [sighs] 185 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,942 That's us on a picnic. 186 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,878 That's us at the pool in his hotel. 187 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,713 That's us as Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand 188 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,015 in "Prince of Tides." 189 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,851 - [stammers] What about Sandra? 190 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,487 - She's just been saying she's dating him 191 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,688 to get attention. 192 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,923 - Oh, my God. That is-- 193 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,792 That is so-- - Smart. 194 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,893 - Sad. 195 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,462 - Sad. Yes. 196 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,799 Well, could you just please not say anything to anyone? 197 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,667 It wouldn't be good if this got out. 198 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,803 - No--yeah, obviously. 199 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:16,604 - I wonder if they'll last, 200 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,205 because of the huge age difference, 201 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,673 but I'm really excited. 202 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,575 Hey, Ames, guess what? - Huh? 203 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,912 - Jeff's banging Mateo, and Sandra's insane. 204 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,714 Don't tell anyone though. 205 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:32,119 . 206 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,655 [lounging music] 207 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:35,723 - So neither one of you thought it was worth mentioning 208 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,826 that Sandra's been making it up the whole time? 209 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,661 - Maybe it'll be good for everyone to know. 210 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,830 Maybe Sandra will be happy. 211 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,898 - Yeah, 'cause that's usually why people with low self-esteem 212 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,834 commit to elaborate lies for weeks-- 213 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,035 'cause they just want the truth to come out. 214 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,903 - Okay, I can fix this. I just need to gather 215 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,839 everybody who knows, and then tell them. 216 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,807 - Why aren't you listening to me? 217 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,175 Just do nothing. 218 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,711 It is the easiest advice to take. 219 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,947 I do it, and I am thriving. 220 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,916 - Man, that is true. He's killing it. 221 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,851 - Killing it. 222 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,020 ["Friday I'm in Love" by The Cure plays] 223 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,722 * 224 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,925 - * I don't care if Monday's blue * 225 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:15,896 * Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too * 226 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,044 - Hey, Glenn, you want a little help with that? 227 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,746 Those things can be tricky. 228 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,882 - It's okay, I know how to ride a bike. 229 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,917 I've been doing it since I was 19. 230 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,019 - Oh, all right. 231 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,989 Yeah, you know what, I-- these things are ridiculous. 232 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,124 How 'bout I just help ya maybe adjust some of the-- 233 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,926 - You know what? Why don't you just adjust 234 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,762 your mouth to closed? Okay, buddy? 235 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:52,165 I mean, what are you? The president of bikes? 236 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,936 - You--are you okay? Glenn? 237 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:56,937 Are you okay? 238 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:03,043 - Glenn? - [strained] I'm okay. 239 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,947 - Hey. Did Amy say anything to you 240 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,682 about where she was yesterday? 241 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,951 - Uh, what? Uh, no, why? [laughs] 242 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,986 Um...I don't know, you know. 243 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,222 She's always yap-yapping about something. 244 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,990 - You know, something suspicious is going on. 245 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,927 What she described to me yesterday... 246 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,230 I just can't even figure out the mechanics of it. 247 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,866 - Huh... 248 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:26,700 - Attention, shoppers, 249 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,269 Cloud 9 is not offering breast exams 250 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,071 as part of our Wellness Fair. 251 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,173 We have not hired someone to do that, 252 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,243 and if we had, it would not be a teenage boy 253 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,212 in a Twenty One Pilots T-shirt. Shop safe. 254 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,314 - [stammers] These are slippery little things, aren't they? 255 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,983 - Yeah, well, it's tough. You--you know what, 256 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:43,984 let me--let me just go ahead and help ya. 257 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,919 - No, but that's what I'm doing. I'm a grownup. 258 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,788 - Yeah, no, it's--it's fine. I'm gonna take your foot, 259 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,957 and I'm gonna just slide it into the cage, okay? 260 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,892 Just--just gonna slide it in. 261 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,994 - That's the voice you use with confused seniors. 262 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,863 Don't do that. - No, that's--I'm not doing-- 263 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,865 This is just the way I talk. - Fine, you can do that foot. 264 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,132 I'll work on this one, okay? - No, Glenn, that's-- 265 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,968 That's not how a bike works. - No! 266 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,136 - You must know that. - They're not related. 267 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,705 Left, right. - No-- 268 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,941 - So she just invented the entire relationship? 269 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,076 - She's a maniac. 270 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,879 - Ew, I just realized that pair of Jeff's underwear 271 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,748 that she showed me probably weren't even Jeff's. 272 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,949 That's so gross. 273 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,351 - She's definitely out of wine club. 274 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,220 - Wait, you guys have a wine club? 275 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,122 - Yeah, we're trying to keep it small. 276 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,992 - Look, this really is none of your business, you know. 277 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,026 You--you don't even know the whole story. 278 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,127 It you knew the whole story, 279 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,862 you wouldn't think she was a maniac. 280 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,131 - What's the whole story? 281 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,900 - [mutters] Don't do it. 282 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:37,838 - The whole story is that she did date Jeff. 283 00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,007 It was very intense, and then they broke up. 284 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,076 - Yup, they broke up. It happened on a Tuesday. 285 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,913 - See? Confirmation. - So she got dumped, 286 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,015 but then lied and told everyone they were still dating? 287 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,751 Why would she do that? - 'Cause she's a maniac. 288 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,385 - No. [sighs] That is a good question, 289 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,287 and we asked her that question, 290 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,024 and what she said made a lot of sense. 291 00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,293 She told us that... 292 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,262 - She's pregnant. 293 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,897 - [aghast laugh] - And the raptors 294 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:04,965 have breached the fence. 295 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,333 - She's pregnant? - Yes! 296 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,001 - Who's pregnant? - Nobody. 297 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,903 - The maniac. - Sandra. 298 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,906 - Sandra? That is wonderful. 299 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,307 - I knew it. You can tell by the glow. 300 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,308 I always know. - [laughs] 301 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,977 - I'm gonna go congratulate her. - No, no, Glenn, 302 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,012 uh, she doesn't want anybody to know yet, 303 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,248 so we can't mention it to her. - Yeah, we should probably wait 304 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,916 'til she inevitably starts showing. 305 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,819 - Oh! We could plan a baby shower. 306 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,021 And what if the theme was babies? 307 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,857 Or manufacturing? 308 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,158 - Oh, I know. "Breaking Bad." 309 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,359 - "Arabian Nights." 310 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,961 - No one likes "Arabian Nights"! 311 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,228 - Okay, no baby shower, guys. 312 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,897 You're making a big deal out of this, 313 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,331 and she doesn't even know if she's gonna keep it. 314 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,366 [all gasp] 315 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,068 - What? - Ooh. 316 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,936 - No, you don't mean she's gonna-- 317 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:43,804 - Uh-huh. 318 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,940 Yeah, she might do it on a Wednesday. 319 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:52,012 . 320 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:52,545 - Look at this. [laughs] 321 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,282 Oh! [murmurs excitedly] 322 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,085 Oh! Bear-bear. 323 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:01,188 You know, sometimes I like to walk around the store, 324 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:05,192 and just think of all the things that make life wonderful. 325 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,828 You know, like, um, rivers 326 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:13,466 and lunch and soccer and... 327 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,102 Crime? No, not crime. 328 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:19,272 Uh, streams! Well, that's a cousin of rivers. 329 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,142 And babies. I love babies. 330 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,144 - Horses? - Sure, horses, 331 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:28,949 but what about babies? - Yeah. Babies are cute. 332 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:32,252 - You'd make a great mommy. 333 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,088 - Thanks? - Okay. 334 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,791 Let's keep walking. 335 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,559 Hey, what do you think 336 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,831 is the worst Supreme Court decision of all time? 337 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,966 - Maybe Glenn will just not say anything. 338 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,334 - Hey, guys, did you hear? 339 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,970 Sandra's pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. 340 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,805 - Oh, yeah, there's a card going around. 341 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,274 - [sighs] This is why people don't tell you things. 342 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,009 - I'm gonna fix it. 343 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,544 [stammers] Look, we could-- 344 00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,980 we could say that it was a phantom pregnancy. 345 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,149 I've heard of that. - Sandra, this must be 346 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,952 a giant surprise for you. Love, Garrett. 347 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:08,822 - Okay, what if we say that Jeff has a twin brother, 348 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,991 and Sandra has been dating him? 349 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,895 - So the Jeff that Sandra's been talking about 350 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,965 is Jeff's twin brother, Jeff? 351 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,200 - Yes. - Oh, that sounds real. 352 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,135 - Well, at least she's thinking of things. 353 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,271 - You guys are idiots. 354 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,273 - Hey, you wanna donate to a good cause? 355 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,876 - I already told you, I'm not paying to get you veneers. 356 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,044 - Nah, it's for Sandra's baby shower, 357 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,379 assuming she keeps it. 358 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,614 - Wait, Sandra's pregnant? 359 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,018 - Yeah, Jeff knocked her up, then dumped her for Mateo. 360 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,286 - Really? - Yeah. 361 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,154 - Wow, I can't believe it. 362 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,124 - Man, I wish I had the stones to go both ways. 363 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,625 Can you imagine? 364 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:49,596 Two dudes-- all gas, no brakes. 365 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,364 - Yeah, totally. 366 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:56,036 - But now imagine taking this perfect little treasure, 367 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,872 and throwing it in the garbage. 368 00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,040 - Mm, mm-mm. Mm-mm. 369 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,909 Hey, hey, hey. How are we doing? 370 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,210 What's going on? What are we talking about? 371 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,912 - Nothing. Why don't you mind your own business? 372 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,047 - Oh, you know what, I will mind my own business, Glenn, 373 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,917 as long as you don't mind Sandra's right to choose 374 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,585 what she does with her body, right? 375 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:16,056 - I was thinking about getting all the tattoos from "Moana." 376 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:20,193 - And I support that decision, because it's your choice. 377 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,963 - Jonah, you might be book smart and bike smart, 378 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,398 but you don't get to be right about everything. 379 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,666 - Well, in this particular situation, 380 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,834 I think I am right, Glenn. 381 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,637 - Oh, really? That--there's a refreshing change of pace. 382 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,940 - Yeah. - Well, the important thing is 383 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,074 it all worked out horribly. - You were making up 384 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,209 a hypothetical situation about a baby in a garbage can. 385 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,378 - * I will buy you that big house * 386 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,214 * Way up in the west hills 387 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,217 * I will buy you a new life 388 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,052 - If it was up to you, 389 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,453 we'd still be living in the Stone Ages. 390 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,221 - Oh, really? Well, if it was up to you, 391 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,457 they'd be selling abortions from vending machines. 392 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,992 - Guys, guys, guys, 393 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,360 maybe let's not have this conversation 394 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,628 out here on the floor. - Jonah, you have no idea 395 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,065 the toll that an abortion takes on a woman's body. 396 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,433 - Oh, and childbirth is so easy. 397 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,501 - Well, at least it's n-- - Okay, ah, pretty sure 398 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,937 neither one of you guys-- - You know what, Glenn? 399 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,705 This is what a feminist looks like. 400 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,976 - I'm a feminist! I'm a big flaming feminist. 401 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:13,246 - And that is our skit on the abortion debate. 402 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,648 We hope you enjoyed it. - I can't-- 403 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,651 Why doesn't he listen? 404 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,586 - Glenn? - Are you okay? 405 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,155 - Oh, I feel very dizzy. - Oh--no, no, no. 406 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,157 - Can we get a doctor? Where's that nurse? 407 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,325 - Here just-- - [groans] 408 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,359 - One day, totally fine. 409 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:29,396 Next day, so sick she couldn't possibly work. 410 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,065 Day after that, fine again. 411 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,135 - It could be lupus, Crohn's disease, a parasite. 412 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,437 Honestly, I would need a stool sample. 413 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,705 - I can get one. 414 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,740 - Okay, Glenn. Glenn? 415 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,808 I need you to hold your hand like this, 416 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,344 and breathe through alternating nostrils, okay? 417 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,278 - Wow, how do you know how to do that? 418 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,981 - The Red Cross. I helped earthquake-proof 419 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,117 a hospital in Haiti. - Well, bravo, it didn't work. 420 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,086 - No, it was after the-- for the next one. 421 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,156 You'll see. I mean, I hope you don't see. 422 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,324 I'm just gonna loosen your tie right here. 423 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,726 - No, stop telling me what to do! 424 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,261 - Glenn, you need to do what he's telling you. 425 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,030 - No, I don't. He's stupid! 426 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,764 - Glenn... - I'm gonna tighten my tie. 427 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,200 - Okay. How's that working out for ya? 428 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,072 . 429 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:12,805 - It was just low blood sugar. 430 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,508 I shouldn't have tried to quit drinking juice 431 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,011 cold turkey like that. 432 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,247 - Great, okay, uh, also, we have checked. 433 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,249 We don't seem to have any training videos 434 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,284 about not discussing abortion at work, 435 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,719 because we just thought it was so obvious, 436 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:30,290 but you guys managed to surprise us, so good job. 437 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,758 - Whoo! - Don't lecture us 438 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,726 on being responsible when we all know 439 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,495 what you did to Sandra. 440 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,064 - Sandra--who's Sandra? 441 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,198 [all gasp] - What? 442 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,732 - Who's Sandra? 443 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,170 Just the woman who's pregnant with your bi-racial child. 444 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,272 - In his defense, Sandra is extremely forgettable. 445 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,340 Remember when we left her at Dave and Buster's on her birthday? 446 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,442 all: Yeah. - I'm not pregnant. 447 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,510 - What? [all gasp] 448 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,812 - Oh, God, am I too late? - What? 449 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,447 - I'm very confused. 450 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,349 - Wait, so you didn't knock her up? 451 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,751 - No, I'm gay. [all gasp] 452 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:02,555 - Oh, yeah, right, you're gay, and I'm Lorenzo Lamas. 453 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:05,392 - Well, I am. I'm gay. 454 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,827 - But you're so...blah. 455 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,529 - Well, wait, then who's dating Sandra? 456 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,764 - I made it up. [all gasp] 457 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,066 I haven't been dating anyone. 458 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,768 - I mean, nothing here pops at all. 459 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,370 - Why would you make something like that up? 460 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,339 - 'Cause she's a maniac. 461 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,441 - At first it was a misunderstanding, 462 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,311 and then I just started liking the attention. 463 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,380 - For the first time in my life, I was a star. 464 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,481 - I'm the one who's been dating Jeff. 465 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,183 [all gasp] Okay, the whole time-- 466 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,584 me-me-me-me-me. - Um... 467 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,786 We were keeping that between us. 468 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,223 - I just don't get it. 469 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,459 If you can be gay, that means anyone can be gay. 470 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,828 - Okay, well, you know, cat's out of the bag. 471 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,563 Me and Jeff. [giggles] 472 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,098 Does anybody have any questions? 473 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,134 - Can we please keep this in this room? 474 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,502 I'm not supposed to be dating anybody from one of the stores. 475 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,371 - But casual sex is okay, right? 476 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,340 'Cause I've been banging Garrett on and off for a while now. 477 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,474 [all gasp] - What? 478 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,277 - Uh, that is correct. 479 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,179 - Whoa! - Really? 480 00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,780 - And you--you didn't tell me? 481 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,482 - I'm sorry, it just-- we haven't told anybody. 482 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,117 - It's fine, I don't-- I don't care. 483 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,353 - What has happened to this store? 484 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,121 - Me. I happened. 485 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,489 This is me. This is my fault. 486 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,391 I opened the cage, or whatever. 487 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,559 I've never seen "Jurassic Park." 488 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,627 [all gasp] - What? 489 00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,364 - Okay, that is not what we're dealing with right now. 490 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,199 Look, I should not have gotten involved. 491 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,468 Sandra, I'm really sorry. 492 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,636 - No, I feel great. 493 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,538 No more lies. No more credit card debt 494 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,175 from buying myself flowers. 495 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,277 I can cancel the horse-drawn carriage. 496 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,278 - I almost told you a couple times. 497 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,612 - I said it's fine. 498 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,483 - * Life is a highway 499 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,352 * I wanna ride it all night long * 500 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,589 - Sorry, I just got excited to finally tell people. 501 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,890 - [whispering] No, it's okay. 502 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,525 I'm--I'm glad it's finally public. 503 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,328 - [whispers] Okay. 504 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,596 Why are we in here? 505 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,431 - [whispers] I don't know. 506 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,400 - [whispers] Why are you whispering? 507 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,601 - I don't know. 508 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,670 [upbeat music] 509 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,906 * 510 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,642 - * So sophisticated I'm such a zero * 511 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,876 - He's my boyfriend! 512 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,615 - So that's why you didn't want me 513 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,950 talking about people's love lives-- 514 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,221 because you had a little secret of your own. 515 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,087 - Okay. 516 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,524 - Are we gonna get a destination wedding? 517 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,692 Like, how many cute little 518 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,594 Garrett-Dina babies are you gonna have? 519 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,463 - [giggles] - Garrett Junior? 520 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:27,867 - Hey, Dina, Amy went to go see "Lego Batman" yesterday. 521 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,569 - I'm gonna have to call you back. 522 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,944 What in the name of God is "Lego Batman"? 523 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:43,516 - Wow, you're smoking now? 524 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,985 - No, I'm just holding it. 525 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,620 - Ah. - But I might as well start, 526 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,423 since everything I thought I knew was wrong. 527 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,624 In five years, they'll probably say 528 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,261 smoking's good for you. - Oh, no-no-no, 529 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,297 decades of research and-- 530 00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,533 You know what? You might be right. 531 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,570 Nobody really knows anything. 532 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,274 You mind if I, uh... 533 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,380 - [inhales] 534 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,714 - It's nice. 535 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,384 - You look really cool right now. 536 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,420 - Yeah? 537 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,689 - I'm sorry about everything earlier. 538 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,591 I've been off today. 539 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,026 Going from two gallons of juice a day to nothing 540 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,596 has been messing with my head. 541 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,664 - Yeah, I get it. 542 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,433 I'm sorry too. 543 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:36,569 - I just get sensitive, 544 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,605 because sometimes I think you're smarter than me. 545 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,707 - Oh, Glenn, come on, that's-- 546 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,642 - I know, it's silly. 547 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:46,713 You're probably always thinking how much smarter I am than you. 548 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,582 - Yuh-huh. 549 00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,590 - Hear ye! Hear ye! 550 00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,026 I've come to deliver the fair maiden Sandra 551 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,561 to good King Jeff. 552 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,430 - Right here. 553 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:06,699 Couldn't get my deposit back. See you tomorrow. 554 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,735 - My lady. - Thank you. 555 00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,741 Will you take me to the frozen custard place at the mall?